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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28051536">Before you go, can you read my mind?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoraRey/pseuds/CoraRey'>CoraRey</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Psych (TV 2006)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:01:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,515</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28051536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoraRey/pseuds/CoraRey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being constantly aware of everything isn't nearly as helpful in a relationship as one might think.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Before you go, can you read my mind?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Lousy title is from The Killers' Ready My Mind.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carlton says something horrible, but he bit his lip before, which means he was going to say something even worse. Shawn focuses on the way Carlton moves and breathes, looks for all the ways it might contradict the words coming out of his mouth. Carlton knows he’s doing it, they had always read each other too well and it was a battle and then a dance and now it’s a battle again. </p>
<p>They’ve been at this for what feels like hours but he knows it’s been about 30 minutes, cause the clock reads 11 PM and it was at 10:41 that this thing turned <em> serious, </em>he knows this cause it was the moment Carlton turned the TV off and put the remote on the table and fumbled with the alarm clock to try to hide that his hand was shaking. “I can’t be here”, he thinks, and takes the keys to his bike. Wonders if Carlton’s regretting ever giving it back to him. </p>
<p>He rides aimlessly for a while, because it helps him think, but not so aimlessly that he’s too far from Psych’s office when he decides it’s better to stop. He keeps getting distracted and being run over by a truck doesn’t seem like a good idea. He doesn’t even have his wallet with him. The bureaucracy of IDing the body would piss Lassie off. </p>
<p>He throws himself on a couch at Psych and every time he wakes up at night, he knows he’s not in his bed even before he opens his eyes.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Carlton goes for the whisky in the kitchen cabinet but gives up when he sees Shawn’s wallet on the table. He wants to be sober when Shawn comes back for it.<em> If </em>he comes back for it. Maybe he’ll come tomorrow when Carlton’s at work, or he’ll send Gus to take it, and the last memory he’ll have of Shawn before he runs off to Panama or Bancoc or wherever will be the look of utter defeat in his face before he took off. </p>
<hr/>
<p>Shawn walks the entire hallway paying attention to any sounds coming from their apartment. It almost makes him give up. Coming home shouldn’t feel like a crime investigation. </p>
<p>He opens the door and Carlton’s at the couch, looking at the door he knew would open, but he doesn’t have his gun cause he’s been paying attention to the sounds coming from the hallway and he knew it was Shawn. The symmetry makes Shawn want to cry and he doesn’t even know why. </p>
<p>- Your wallet’s on the kitchen table - Carlton says, getting up from the couch and going to the bedroom, and out of all the ways this scene played out in Shawn’s overactive imagination, that certainly wasn’t one. </p>
<p>He sits on the couch, still warm from Carlton’s body, so he obviously slept here, and Shawn files that information, closes his eyes and keeps still for some minutes cause he doesn’t want to be cataloguing stuff <em> in his own house.  </em></p>
<p>He opens his eyes when he hears Carlton come out of the bedroom, stop on the doorway. He positioned himself in a way that Shawn can’t see his reflection on the TV, and it <em> hurts </em> cause it’s a <em> strategy </em>. </p>
<p>- You’re still here - Carlton says, like he doesn’t know what to do with that information, and Shawn didn’t know it was possible to feel that exhausted. </p>
<p>- I live here - he says, matter-of-fact, like Carlton forgot that fact and he just needs to say it out loud for everything to be fixed. </p>
<p>Carlton moves again, props himself against the bathroom door frame, can be seen but can not be touched. Looks at Shawn like he’s insulted that Shawn didn’t realize it, that he would read everyone like a book, except the one person he was supposed to be the closest to.</p>
<p>- You thought I was breaking up with you - Shawn says, voice flat, devoid of any triumph of solving the mystery. It doesn’t feel like he solved anything. </p>
<p>- You just left - Carlton says, low, like he’s embarrassed and Shawn crosses the room, takes Carlton’s face in his hands, urgent, like Carlton’s choking and he needs air, cause he never saw him look so vulnerable. </p>
<p>Kisses him, cause his mouth is better at this than it is at forming words that <em> mean </em> something, runs his hands all over the spots he knows make Carlton melt and hopes they’ll end up in bed, where he won’t have to say anything other than <em> more </em> and <em> please </em> and <em> fuck </em>, cause he knows how to be smooth, but being soft feels dangerous. </p>
<p>Carlton takes his hand, leads them to the bed, cause this is where they <em> should </em> have slept and they’re too old for magical thinking but they feel too old to <em> talk </em> . Takes his and Shawn’s clothes off, buries his face on his neck and says “ <em> Victoria just came up to me one day and said it was over </em>”. Shawn wonders if Carlton got him naked so it’ll be harder for him to storm off. </p>
<p>- I’m here - he says, his hand running circles in Carlton’s back. - We’re fine. </p>
<p>- I thought we were fine <em>yesterday</em> and then we weren’t. I thought me and Victoria were fine and then we weren’t and I spent years trying to fix it, but she said it was beyond repair, and she didn’t even <em>told </em>me weren’t fine till she decided it was over and I don’t even know what…. - Carlton looks him in the eye and other people would mistake his tone for anger but Shawn knows him enough to read it as desperation - How am I supposed to <em>know</em> if there’s something <em>wrong </em>when I have to navigate through jokes and 80’s movies references and….you don’t <em>talk</em> to me!</p>
<p>And he’s right. Most people would say Shawn’s very talkative. Most people wouldn’t realize most of the time he’s talking <em> at </em> people. He does talk to Carlton, more than he talks to anyone in his life besides Gus, tells him random shit about his childhood when they’re mocking cop shows on the couch, rants about plans for the future when they’re half awake in bed. But when Carlton will get upset he’ll ask him <em> why </em> he did something and that’s the voice he uses on perps and every time his father asked him something it was a set-up and telling the truth to Carlton almost landed him in jail, so what’s the point? </p>
<p>And maybe he should be saying all this stuff, but every time he tries he’s in that interrogation room again, trying to make this guy <em>listen </em>and getting shut down and wondering why the hell he wants so much for this uptight cop to <em>like</em> him.</p>
<p>- You know that case with the twins, where we were waiting for the fingerprints to run so we would know which brother was the one the neighbour saw leaving the victim’s apartment?</p>
<p>Carlton blinks at him. He knows Shawn wouldn't go off on a tangent after Carlton just told him how much that frustrates him, cause Shawn only hurts Carlton by accident, not by design. But for the life of him, he can’t figure how the twins' murder case remotely relates to their relationship. </p>
<p>- This will make sense, I promise - to his credit, Shawn does look a little embarrassed by the subject choice. - That was the week you’d know if you were selected to speak at that conference in Colorado. And, Carlton, every time my phone buzzed I thought “Is it Lassie? Did he get it?” I was way more invested in that than I was at finding out who killed that clown. </p>
<p>- He was a mime - Carlton says, with a hint of a smile cause they went over the difference several times. </p>
<p>- So <em> not </em> my point. The thing is: when I ask “How was your day?” I mean it, okay? You know me, Lassie. I don’t say stuff just cause I’m supposed to, I don’t do shit I don’t want to. I wanna be here. I want this to work. </p>
<p>- I want this to work too. But sometimes it’s so....</p>
<p>- Frustrating. </p>
<p>- Yeah. </p>
<p>- Look - he says, not breaking eye contact, cause if they still can’t say everything they want to, they can at least count on each other’s hyper attention to read between the lines till the day they can say the words. - We can talk later. We <em> should </em> talk later. I’ll do my best, alright? I just really wanna sleep for a while cause crashing at the Psych’s couch killed my back. </p>
<p>- Seen you sleep in worse conditions.</p>
<p>- That was before I got acquainted with this bad boy - he says, running a hand through the sheets. - Honestly, Carlton, you ruined me for other beds.</p>
<p>They both hear the subtext. And as he closes his eyes while the other man plants a soft kiss on his head, he knows subtext is not enough. </p>
<p>- Carlton - he says and looks at him, is glad the lights aren’t turned off yet - I’m in this for the long haul.</p>
<p>- I know - Carlton says, and Shawn can finally sleep in peace.</p>
<p> </p>
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